Greyhound, Prozac and Dental Benefits…What a Wonderful World!!

Forget “Leave the driving to us.”  “Prozac and a New Grill”  That should be the new tag line for America’s bus line.

 

DISCLAIMER:  The events described herein aren’t necessarily a bad thing…I just don’t want to die at the hands of a psycho or in the grips of a dreaded disease…This is all true, with my wit added just to spice it up a bit….

 

I must admit that I only recently started traveling via Greyhound (a total of 1 round trip, so far).  I’ve heard the horror stories about some of the things that happen in terminals and on the busses, but I always discounted them as mere exaggeration.  I presumed that people made up most of the stories just to make their 36 hour trip more exciting and give them something to talk about when they finally reached their long lost cousins house in Cucamonga (cuz God know they really don’t have anything else to talk about).  Well, I’m here to tell you (or concur with those who have had the joy of experiencing the joy of riding Greyhound) that Las Vegas has NOTHING on Greyhound.  If you want to gamble with both your life and your final destination (regardless of what it says on your itinerary) – Go Greyhound.

 

Here’s a recap of my trip home from Memphis, TN – a trip which, by car, takes 9-10 hours, depending on how many potty breaks you take:

 

We (my classmates and I) arrived at Greyhound terminal in Memphis, TN.  We were greeted by SWAT outside telling us not to spend too much time outside, as that area is know for drive-by shootings.  LOVELY – I don’t think I paid my life insurance policy last month….just my luck.

 

We (40 or so students) all moseyed into the ticketing area where, after almost 1.5 hours, we were greeted by a lady who looked and smelled like she just crawled out of the gutter right outside the terminal.  She had such a nice smile, sans 5 or 6 teeth.  Her hair (or someone else’s hair, as it was a weave) actually had lint and other unidentifiable particulates randomly placed throughout.  I will give her credit for this – her nametag was properly aligned with the mustard stain on her vest.  I think it might have been Grey Poupon, based on the color of the stain.  Right away, I knew I was dealing with the upper class of the Greyhound ticketing agents.  I eventually got my bags checked and my tickets in hand.  We all waited around for our respective busses to leave Memphis, and mine did so within an hour of being ticketed.

 

In the big picture, everything is going well so far……

 

We all board the bus to Nashville.  After we leave the homicide capital of the US (check out A&E “Memphis Homicide”), and have received our lecture from the drive about not playing out music too loud, and being admonished regarding smoking crack, and left OR right handed cigarettes, not drinking illegal substances and to keep our voiced down; the party started.  A mom (I’m guessing early/mid 40s) and her two daughters (18 – 24, MAYBE) were in the back 3 seats, next to the vertical coffin-sized restroom.  One of my fellow students (herein after referred to as Ricky, since that was his name) starts schmoozing with the older of the two daughters (we’ll call her hoe 1).  Ricky is a players player…he needs a show on MTV or something….

 

Ricky and hoe 1 immediately hit it off, and were talking aloud enough for the back half of the bus to hear them.  She just recently got out of prison in Texas and is heading back to Atlanta to see her dad (who, by the way, has custody of her 3 year old son, who is apparently a “devil child” and can’t be managed).  She said she hadn’t been “f*#%ed for months” and needs to “make mens happy again.”  That obviously got Ricky’s ears perked up (among other things).  The conversation continued down the path of debauchery, Larry Flint-like topics and the frequent mention of the talented body parts that can apparently milk a cow’s teat like a machine.  After only 1 hour of chatting her up, Ricky was playing peek-a-boo and touchy-feely with the aforementioned body parts.  30 minutes later, they were in the coffin doing the nasty.  I can only thank God for loud diesel engines, Febreeze and Clorox..

 

During all that activity, there was a lady behind me who just got out of the hospital, and was strung out on methadone and oxycontin.  Needless to say, she had no reservations and spoke her mind, calling hoe 1 a hoe, slut, tramp and a few other words I’d never heard before.

 

The ride to Nashville was only 3 hours and was full of the typical things that life is supposedly all about – sex, drugs and rock and roll!!

 

The Nashville terminal was rather uneventful, except for the fact that I missed by connection.  Why, you ask?  Well, let me tell you.  My itinerary said I was to catch a bus to Louisville, KY at 6:25.  So, I got in the line for Louisville.  I waited in line during the 1:20 layover, and made the most of my stay by eating a Snickers and drinking a Diet Sprite (gotta cut back on the calories somewhere).  Well, they made a boarding call and the line started moving.  Once I got to the front of the line, the driver, who was taking tickets, said I couldn’t get on the bus.  Needless to say, I was somewhat shocked.  The said my next ticket was for Nashville to Indianapolis, NOT Nashville to Louisville.  OK, so….now what?  He made me go to the ticket counter to get it straightened out.  In the meantime, that son of a bitch drove off.  I’m stranded.  The ticket counter lady, another toothless wonder, took 20 minutes to figure out what happened.  I had to wait for a connecting bus, which only took 30 minutes or so.  Once I finally boarded the bus to Louisville, it was a pretty decent ride.

 

Since my ride TO Louisville was somewhat tolerable, my time IN Louisville was simply scary.  I’ll try to be brief – A guy fought with a vending machine – literally.  He was punching it when the bag of Bugles didn’t fall.  The rent a cop, who was actually armed, came over and calmed the guy down.  Unnerving, none-the-less.  There was a lady speaking to herself.  No, I take that back – she was having a conversation with someone/something.  It was like listening to a one-sided phone conversation.  The pauses, the intonation, the laughs, the voice variances; some one was communicating with her.  Perhaps she was a Scientologist….who knows.  Seriously though, it was freaky.  I mean, we all talk to ourselves on occasion.  Heck, I’ve even argued with myself sometimes.  But, this was something completely different.  All I could do was watch out of the corner of my eye and wait for her body to split in two, and the other personality would reveal itself.  As I was standing in line to board the bus to Indianapolis, a lady came in through the door next to our boarding door, walked up to me and asked “Where are you going?”  She was about 5 feet tall, 85 pounds, but she had a Hannibal Lecter look in her eyes.  I was actually afraid to answer.  What if I said Indianapolis, and she hated Indy?  Was she a serial killer who hates Indy?  Does she target bald dudes?  What if she prefers American Tourister over Samsonite.  I’d be screwed.  I told her Chicago, and she smiled and walked away.  That was it – she said nothing more.  I took a deep breath and quietly grasped my luggage handle.  I wish I had my blankie.  I still wonder if she has a Kenmore freezer somewhere with the cut up body of Indianapolis-bound riders….

 

I boarded the bus to Indy without any more issues.  Then, from out of nowhere, I heard a familiar laugh – it was hoe 1.  I won’t belabor this with a repeat of the trip from Memphis, but she earned another $100 with a trip to the restroom again.  When she returned to her seat (3 behind mine), a familiar scent penetrated the already stale air.  If I ever travel Greyhound again, I’m going to take a Summer’s Eve in my carry-on.

 

I did actually doze off for a bit on the ride from Louisville.  There’s nothing better for a good nap than your skull rattling off the frame of a window and your knees buried into the reclined seat of the sweaty fat guy in front of you.  We arrived in Indianapolis and it was a pretty nice terminal – the nicest so far.  The only funny thing about the Indy terminal was my reaction when I heard the loudest rumbling sound ever.  I was sitting on one of those ultra-comfortable all metal benches and the whole place started shaking.  I thought for a moment that I was in San Francisco and the San Andreas Fault finally gave way.  I stood up and held my arms out, ala surfer dude, waiting to fall down from the seismic activity.  No, it was a train.  I didn’t know this at the time, but the Amtrak station is adjacent to the Greyhound terminal.  After I settled down, we were informed that the bus to Dayton was going to be 2 hours late.  Nice.  At least I had the joy of my hangy-downies being rattled every 20 minutes when a train passes through.  Of course there are the people talking to themselves, the stinky people, the ones who are hacking and bringing up phlegm and all kinds of SARS-like bacterium, and let us not forget the ticket counter employees.  Side Note:  If anyone reading this is an employee of a Dental Insurance provider, I am officially providing you a virtual goldmine of potential revenue leads.  If you land the Greyhound contract, please be so kind as to give me the industry standard commission.

 

I arrived in Dayton 2 hours after we left Indianapolis.  I was never so happy to see the “Gem City” as I was that morning.  I gazed lovingly upon the miniature skyline as the sunrise backlit the Kettering Tower.  I smiled when we drove past the desolate streets in the Oregon District.  A warm feeling surged through my body as we hopped on the newly reconstructed freeway leading towards home.

 

As God as my witness, I hope to NEVER ride Greyhound again.  Yes, there is a chance I had a unique experience.  However, from what I’ve heard, it’s typical.  I can only recommend that we all create an emergency travel fund and always travel on airlines only.  Remember, if you schmooz Greyhound and land the dental contract, I want my commission!!!!

 

 

Chris Brewster is a freelance writer based out of Dayton, Ohio USA – Home of Orville and Wilbur Wright, Erma Bombeck and a barber who looks remarkably like Roy Orbison (bad toupee included).  In his spare time, Chris continues his pursuit of multiple advanced degrees, hoping to complete one of them before 1. Armageddon, or 2. A Starbucks is on every corner across the world.  Chris also blogs at The Sarcastic Scribe (www.sarcasticscribe.wordpress.com), and can be found hanging out at bookstores, local pubs and occasionally wandering the streets of Yellow Springs, OH.  You can contact Chris on his blog, or via email: sarcasticscribe@gmail.com.

Amazing Dome Home

Check out this article about an environmentally friendly house…Looks like something E.T. would live in….

http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/green-living/amazing-rotating-dome-home/2542

Vice Presidential Debate – Sarah Palin: Caribou Barbie is at it again…

Sarah Palin doesn’t want to “argue” about the cause(s) of climate change.  Palin said, and I’m paraphrasing here…“I’m not going to answer the questions the way you want me to.”  Um, WHAT????  All of us “Joe 6-pack, hockey mom, main street schleps” – we NEED details.  We don’t want or need more Katie Couric interview-like answers.   One question: Why did Palin even show up to debate Biden? 

 

Even in a smart black suite, Palin presented herself like a 1983 Valley Girl, replete with the head-bobs, rolling eyes, and giddy presentation.  I was surprised she didn’t come out wearing parachute pants, a tuxedo shirt, jellies and 20 scrunchies in her hair (and a roach clip, with feathers, for decoration). 

 

And what’s with the word “there?”  Some use the word “like” every 4 words, but Palin uses “there.”  It must be Alaska’s version of Canada’s “eh.”  Also, there’s “heckuva,” “comin,’” “you betcha,” and “darn right.”  Now all we need is “Gee Wally, you betcha I’m mad, whatcha gonna do with the Beav now?”  Watch for it….

 

In 30 years, if McCain/Palin wins the election, I can just imagine the conversation with my grandchildren.  When asked why we’re still at war in Iraq, why most people live in swallow, yet others, named Mr. and Mrs. CEO live on palatial estates, why their parents have to work 5 jobs just to put food on the table…I’ll have to be honest and tell them that when people voted for McCain/Palin, the majority of the country was on Prozac, and had lost its collective mind.

 

However, and here’s the good news, unless something significant happens in the next 4 weeks, John McCain should begin writing his concession speech now.  In light of Palin’s recent gaffs, she “performed” better than most people expected during the debate.  The key word being “performed.”  I’m not sure

 

In light of Palin’s better than expected performance, she still doesn’t get it.  More often than not, she still doesn’t answer questions directly.  The problem, as many see it, is that Palin is only providing answers that were “drilled, baby, drilled” during her coaching sessions.  While she may speak from the heart, a supposedly sympathetic mom and wife, Palin simply doesn’t have a full grasp of the topics at hand.

 

When all is said and done, Palin’s main task was to NOT fall on her face.  In order to fall down, one must stand up.  Other than Bush’s failed policies, and McCain’s virtual goose-step concurrence, I don’t believe Palin stood up for much of anything other than good hair products and designer glasses.

 

A number of issues where Palin is, without doubt, lost and in denial are:

 

• McCain’s voting record/ties with Bush – >95% with President Bush.  Not ONE TIME did Palin take advantage of breaking with President Bush’s failed economic policy, diplomatic practices, and war mongering.  Biden gave Palin numerous opportunities to distance the Republican ticket from Bush.  She never seized on those opportunities. 
• Palin continually spouted off the “maverick” phrase.  Webster’s Dictionary defines a maverick as “an independent individual who does not go along with a group or party.”  With a 95% voting record WITH Bush, supporting tax cuts FOR corporate America, supporting Bush’s surge in Iraq, siding with traditional Republican support of deregulation, just to name a few, one simply can not declare McCain as a “maverick.”  Joe Biden said, “Maverick he is not, on the important critical issues that affect people at that kitchen table.”
• Alternative energy sources – If the Republicans are going to continue to be in the pockets of the big oil companies, they’ll never address or honestly consider wind, solar, or tidal sources.  $4 billion dollar tax cuts for the Exxon Mobil companies of the world doesn’t go over well for the average citizen paying over $4.00 a gallon at the pumps.
• Lifestyle Choices – If one is straight (heterosexual), at what point did that fact become known?  One doesn’t wake up one bright morning and say, “Today I decided to like people of the opposite sex.”  “Today I decided to be straight.”  Being LGBT is no more a choice than the color eyes one has.  It’s not a choice; it’s who they are – Just like straight people are simply “who they are.”
• Health Care – You would think that Republicans, being the consummate business-oriented party would get this one.  If you offer a $5,000 credit, but have to replace it with $12,000 in the cost of an average policy….well, that’s a $7,000 deficit.  Do the math.
• Tax Cuts – I don’t have enough space on my account to describe all these shortfalls.

 

If McCain were to pull out some kind of miracle and win the election, and God forbid something dreadful happens, Sarah Palin would be standing in the wings ready to assume power: Power that has only been held by only 44 others in the history of the great United States.

 

Do you want Caribou Barbie negotiation trade agreements, speaking at the United Nations, representing YOU at state funerals, coronations and peace talks?  Do you want another Dan Quayle?  When you look at your checkbook and/or 401k, can you imagine the horror wrought by a McCain/Palin administration?  Do you want Iraq or Afghanistan to continue forever?  Do you want a President/Vice President who antagonizes world leaders to the point of actually trying to use nuclear weapons?????

 

I don’t want to take the chance that Jeff Spicoli might appear as Secretary of State, or Phoebe Cates as Secretary of Bikinis.  If McCain/Palin wins, that very well might happen…maybe….

 

Who knows…Phoebe Cates giving a speech on South Beach…might look good….

Ohio Republicans – Missing one hell of an opportunity!!

The Ohio Republican Party is missing out on a GREAT opportunity.  Instead of complaining, the party should be mobilizing.

 

Ohio Democrats, with the support of the Obama campaign, are taking advantage of an Ohio State Supreme Court, and a U.S. District Court ruling which permits a weeklong period in which voters can register AND vote (via an absentee ballot) on the SAME day.  Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner (D) stated “This ruling is a victory for all Ohio voters.”  I agree. 

 

What I take issue with is the Republicans complaining and doing nothing about it.

 

As it stands today, the Republican Party has appealed the ruling, but the voting continues.  The Republicans assert that by not validating the absentee voters information, the possibility of fraud exists.  While that may be true, the Republicans, seemingly, are not mobilizing their resources to take advantage of the six-day early voting window.  Why not??? 

 

The McCain’s campaign and the RNC national website is encouraging Ohio Republicans to take advantage of the early voting opportunity, however, the Democrats are basically taking them to the cleaners.  Greene County, Ohio Election Board has seen a disproportionately high number of traditionally Democrat voters showing up today.  If traditional demographics are inferred, Republicans simply aren’t showing up to vote.

 

Why isn’t the Ohio Republican Party mobilizing its Young Republican groups at the 35+ campuses across the state?  Why isn’t the party taking advantage of the court rulings?  Why isn’t the party teaming with conservative organizations to arrange carpools to local polling sites?  Why isn’t the party rallying around this perfect scenario to take advantage of an opportunity? 

 

Life is a game.  It’s time for the Republicans to start playing to win, instead of whining about the rules – Or, maybe not.

 

Good Luck Republicans – the Democrats are all over this one….

Humanity to Itself: “What have you done for me lately?”

Click on Life/Poetry/Other link to see post

Bailout Plan Fails – “No Confidence” Vote Needed

To quote Archie Bunker, we need to hang a sign on America that says, “Closed, Owner gone nuts!” While congress argues like a bunch of junior high children, the citizens of this great nation are shaking their heads in disbelief and shame. The food fight on capital hill needs to stop.

I don’t care which side you support. I don’t care if you are pro Obama, or pro McCain. I don’t care if you think this problem is about corporate greed, or personal mismanagement. The DJIA dropped, but held relatively steady for the immediate couple hours after the vote. It started to tank when the congressional leadership held their self-centered new conferences about whose fault it is. But, is all this necessarily a bad thing?

If these banks have overextended and granted credit to unworthy customers, I believe they need to revamp their lending processes. Scenario: If I lend a neighbor a thousand dollars, and I know he’s unemployed and is a compulsive gambler, it’s my fault, and I can’t expect the government to come in a rescue me. Likewise, If the banks are making choices to lend to high risk clients, they can’t expect to be rescued. Each of us, in this scenario, needs to update/improve lending practices.

I pay my bills, and when I struggle, I don’t expect the government bail me out. I have to either 1. Earn more money , 2. Cut spending – or both. While social programs are good, to a point, we can’t expect the government to cushion us each time we overextend ourselves. Hell, I’d love to run to the government and have them pay off my mortgage just because I bit off more than I could chew. And if I didn’t read all the fine print of my mortgage, and agreed to an interest rate that balloons, it’s my fault; not the lenders fault.

The White House issued a comment that it is “very disappointed.” That statement might just be the “understatement” of the century. I’m not disappointed that the bill didn’t pass, rather, I’m disappointed that congress is behaving like spoiled brats, and that consumers live outside their means. I’m not surprised, however that the bill didn‘t pass. I’m not surprised because the plan that congress put together was hastily written, and could, in no way, address all the reasons for the current financial crisis.

Obviously, this isn’t over quite yet – the crisis, that is. I sincerely hope however, that the bickering and bitching ends, and everyone grows up and starts acting like adults.

Perhaps a “No Confidence” vote is in order for Congress!!!!

Top 50 Sarah Palin OTHER Job Prospects

Even though Sarah Palin is currently up for vice president, here is a list of job possibilities she might want to consider if she and McCain get whooped win in November by Obama/Biden:

 

1. Tina Fey stunt double
2. Car show model
3. Children’s book writer

4. Schoolteacher

5. Cheerleader coach

6. Cosmetologist

7. Nuclear physicist

8. Wal-Mart greeter

9. Comicon

10. RNC Spokesperson

11. Robot

12. Carnival contortionist

13. Field & Stream Editor

14. Adult film star

15. Paris Hilton’s new BFF

16. Gossip columnist

17. Neurosurgeon

18. Planned Parenthood Receptionist

19. Entertainment Tonight anchor

20. Taxidermist

21. Plumber

22. PETA activist

23. Alaska tour guide

24. Hand Model

25. Pole dancer

26. Civil War reenactment actor

27. Macy’s lingerie sales clerk

28. Surfer

29. Stick figure artist

30. Kid Rock groupie

31. Greeting card designer

32. Sue Johansen sidekick

33. Gold-digger

34. Dog groomer

35. Perfume tester

36. Drag queen

37. Massage therapist

38. Nail technician

39. Truck Driver

40. Easy Rider pin-up

41. Mortician

42. Hot Librarian

43. WWE Ring Announcer

44. Rockette

45. Pentecostal Preacher

46. UFO investigator

47. Taxi driver

48. Eyeglasses designer

49. NRA Lobbyist

50. NHL Hockey Mom Ambassador

Apple Pickin’ Time

It’s that time of year again.  Football season is in full swing, the trees are beginning their annual dormancy process, and before long, you’ll enjoy the smell of homemade apple pies and cobbler all across the tri-state.  It’s apple-picking time. 

 

Some of my most fond memories are of picking apples at Orchard Lane in Xenia.  Family and friends would all meet at my parent’s house, and we would load up in the family vans, station wagons (everyone would fight over the rear-facing third seat), and a couple people in the ever-famous Renault Le Car (only the super-skinny people could ride in that car), and head out singing songs and strategizing our plans for hide and seek in the orchard, or better yet how to get a rotten apple or two down my sister’s shirt. 

 

We pulled into the orchard parking lot, and we barely placed the cars in park before kids start leaping out in sweet anticipation of their fun-filled afternoon.  We would spend half a day laughing and talking about all the different things we were going to make with the apples – pies, cobbler, and tarts….  Ahh, the good ol’ days…. 

 

Crisp fall afternoons, sunny skies, a nice breeze, and rolling hills overlooking central Greene County.  Families coming and going, everyone laughing and running around like it was recess at a local elementary school.  I’m not sure who had more fun – the children or the adults. 

 

If you decide to go to an orchard to enjoy the annual harvesting of apples, here are a few things to keep in mind.  I suggest following the motto of the Boy Scouts – “Be Prepared.”  Plan on having fun and being safe.  Nothing can turn a good day bad, like falling off a ladder or getting cut by a broken branch.  Second, dress accordingly.  You’re most likely going to get dirty.  During the fall season, rainstorms and cool weather can arrive unexpectedly.  You might want to pack a day-trip bag/backpack:  ponchos, extra socks and pants for each person, sunscreen, and some bottled water and snacks, just in case.  And last, but not least, bring a camera.  You’ll want to capture all the fun of the day.

 

Also, if the orchard has specific rules (which rows to pick from, parent-child supervision, etc…), make sure you know them ahead of time.

 

So, what type of apple is for what?  In general, the following sample of apple varieties is listed by best use/taste.  Of course there are other varieties out there, but this list gives you a good idea of the most common ones:

 

·          Eating Uncooked:  Granny Smith, Cameo, Cortland, Empire, Yellow and Red Delicious, Braeburn, Melrose, Fuji, Honeycrisp, Goldrush, Jonathon, McIntosh, Jonagold, and Gala

·          Making Pies/Cobblers:  Cameo, Cortland, Idared, Newtown Pippen, Rome, Crispen, Braeburn, Yellow Delicious, Melrose, Jonathon, Fuji, and Gala

·          Freezing:  Fuji, Gala, Yellow Delicious, Honeycrisp, and Granny Smith

·          In Salads:  Granny Smith, Cameo, Cortland, Empire, Yellow and Red Delicious, Braeburn, Melrose, Fuji, Honeycrisp, Goldrush, Jonathon, Jonagold, and Gala

·          Sweet:  Yellow and Red Delicious, Honeycrisp, Fuji and Gala

·          Tart:  Winesap, Jonagold and Melrose and Braeburn (a mix of sweet and tart), Goldrush,

 

According to www.ohioapples.org, many of the orchards in our area have hayrides, corn mazes, cider, farm animals/petting zoo, and various other fall produce.  So, pack up the kids and make some memories of your own, memories that will last a lifetime.  

 

To locate an orchard in Southwest Ohio, along with their individual seasonal activities, you can visit either www.ohioapples.org, or contact the Ohio Apples Marketing Program at 1-800-466-5171 (via email at info@ohioapples.com), or http://www.pickyourown.org/OHcinc.htm#listings (listed by county).

Presidential Debate: 6-4, McCain. Obama Wins!

 

The hearing-aid industry might have received an unintended endorsement tonight, and Cindy McCain prefers Nick Jonas to the other two brothers.  Between John McCain’s uninspiring tone and Barack Obama’s indignant responses to McCain, it was fairly obvious that these two just weren’t listening to each other. 

 

On virtually every topic, each candidate only heard half of what the other was saying.  And the other half of the time was spent with Obama agreeing too much with McCain, and McCain pining for days gone by.  It was like a long-lost child visiting a grandparent in a nursing home, discussing the generation gap they share. 

 

In a surprising revelation (NOT), both campaigns declared victory tonight.  Barack Obama, being ahead in most polls, had one thing to do tonight, and that is break-even.  Charles Krauthamer, on Fox News said it’s like, “Harvard beats Yale 29-29.”  In a debate where Obama is known to have, compared to McCain, a marginal foreign policy knowledge/experience deficit, he held his own.  I would score this ten – round match, 6-4 in favor of McCain.  Which means Obama won.

 

The moderator, Jim Lehrer, of PBS’ Newshour, began the night with the current economic crisis.  Both seemed relatively comfortable, but couldn’t commit to signing off on any deal, as they haven’t seen the final product.  Of course they exchanged digs and traded barbs, but there wasn’t any new information imparted.  McCain experience the joy of Teflon regarding his recent suspension of his campaign…Obama missed a good opportunity to slam McCain on his failed Christ-like appearance in Washington over the last day or so.  Obama did well, due to his focus on the middle-class tax cuts.  Independent voters will like that.  CNN’s Gloria Borger stated that McCain’s strong point was when he said, “Barack Obama will raise your taxes; I won’t.”  Huh??

 

All I can say to that is: Remember Bush, Sr.?

 

When asked who would better manage the economy, Anderson Cooper, CNN genius and future wife of Kathy Griffin, showed poll numbers where Obama leads McCain, 58% – 38%.  David Gergen, the Neolithic sage that he is, stated, “This is a pivotal night for John McCain; He needed to take this night.”  “And if these polls are consistent, that’s a major deal in this election.” 

 

Some of the most heated exchanges of the night were regarding Iran, Iraq, and Russia.  Here’s where the hearing-aid issue comes into play.  Obama stated a number of times tonight, that he would NOT just meet Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, without any pre-planning.  Obama stated, as simply as possible, that he would not set any “pre-conditions.”  There IS a difference – pre-conditions versus pre-planning.  Also, in the whole Ahmedinejad/Iran/Kissinger debate, McCain too stated that he would do the whole “Secretary level and lower” thing.  That’s what Obama was saying. HELLO???

 

McCain must have had his “Beltones” turned down, or set to only hear half of what was said.  Maybe he had a Star Trek “universal translator” plugged into his ears, set to Klingon, or something.  Campbell Brown, of CNN stated, “McCain was excellent on Foreign Policy tonight.”  He was “excellent?”  I’m not sure what debate she was watching.  Perhaps Cindy was debating Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel about which of the Jonas brothers has the cutest tushie.

 

Don’t get me wrong.  I understand that there will always be a sort of tit-for-tat discourse during debates.  I know each candidate will spin a topic in his/her favor, but to blatantly ignore or tune out what ones opponent is stating is downright fatuous. 

 

Democrat Vice Presidential candidate, Joe Biden said, “I found John lecturing…” ”It was a good try; I think John missed.”  Chris Wallace, of Fox News, in an interview with Joe Biden asked about his upcoming debate with Sarah Palin.  “I hope she makes the same arguments that John McCain Made,” Biden said.  “I’m not going to do what John did” – which is degrade his opponent and act in a condescending manner. 

 

In regards to the War in Iraq/Afghanistan, Biden told Keith Olberman, of MSNBC, “The American people know that Barack has a plan to end this war that even George Bush has essentially embraced”  “We spend more money on combat (in Iraq and Afghanistan) than on building up Afghanistan.”  Biden commented on McCain’s qualifications and the support (or lack thereof) with Veterans, Biden said, “The DAV rate McCain a 20% on his voting record.”  “He just came across as out of touch and angry.”  “He looks like he’s lurching”

 

Christian Amanpour, a CNN diva, said, “American’s are incredibly concerned and desperately hope that their next president will lift Americans reputation up again; will make American’s connections with the rest of the world absolutely strong and admirable again.”  I agree, sister!

 

So, here’s the deal.  Advice for Obama:  Don’t keep saying, “Not True, Not True” and “I agree with John on….”  Limit the times you “agree” with McCain.  If you’re going to keep pointing out the areas where you agree, what’s the point?  Focus on the differences.  Focus on continuing the tie to Bush.  You really didn’t get any good sound bytes either.

 

Advice for McCain:  Get new batteries.  Sam’s Club usually has good deals on the value packs.  Stop saying “My friends.”  That’s annoying.  You too didn’t get any good sound bytes.  Even if you did, I don’t think there was enough Vivarin to keep anyone focused enough to catch them….

 

I really wanted to see McCain be more passionate (other than when he talks about torture or his Beltone/pre-condition issue), and Obama to provide more specifics.  McCain got in his jabs at Obama, while Obama danced around too much.  Obama became frustrated, but didn’t really counter-punch.  Obama seemed to care about the average person and was very articulate.  McCain was antagonistic and too sentimental.  McCain in stuck in the Past, while Obama focused on the future. 

 

Hopefully the Vice Presidential debate next week will be more entertaining and substantive.  Wait, it’s Biden and Palin, so I guess I can forget about the substantive part.  I guess I need to read up on lipstick, field-dressing a moose and Russian geography, as well as who was in Congress in the 1800s (Biden’s freshman century).

 

 

 

 

Don’t worry about E.T. – Get PADI Certified…

“What a wonderful world.”  Louis Armstrong hit the nail on the proverbial head.  While NASA is traipsing about the universe looking for E.T., we have a whole world here to discover.

 

Unknown human tribes in densely packed rain forests in South America and Asia, new species of insects all over the globe, animals and plants previously categorized as “extinct” are being re-discovered, and now it seems that, off the coast of our neighbors “down under,” hundreds of new marine species have been discovered in recent years.

 

 

The Australian Institute of Marine Sciences is undergoing a 10-year survey of the animal life of the Heron and Lizard Islands of the Great Barrier Reef, as well as the west coast’s Ningaloo Reef.  The study revealed the existence hundreds of species of soft corals, crustaceans and worms, and even shrimp so small, they live in between grains of sand.

 

 

 In a press release, Census of Marine Life chief scientist Ron O’Dor stated, “Amazingly colorful corals and fishes on reefs have long dazzled divers, but our eyes are just opening to the astonishing richness of other life forms in these habitats.”   “Hundreds of thousands of forms of life remain to be discovered,” O’Dor said.

 

When asked about the findings and the prospect for future discoveries, University of Bedford (U.K.) biochemistry professor, James Crabbe commented, “There’s so much that we just don’t know is there.”

 

While it’s a challenging endeavor to “seek out new life, and new civilizations” in Alpha Centauri and beyond, and to “go where no one has gone before,” all we have to do is look outside…. 

 

Heck, we have blind “ants from Mars” right here. 

 

What a wonderful world, indeed. 

Source:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/09/080918-new-species.html

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/09/080916-mars-ant.html